His Version… I have researched a lot of Bible verses and have lost count of how many times I saw the word “truth”. The word is used in various contexts and the verses are full of guidance and wisdom. But my reading has led me to one verse in particular: Ephesians 4:25, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another” (NKJV)
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, “truth” is defined as a transcendent fundamental; the body of real things; facts.
But what does “truth” as expressed in Ephesians 4:25 mean with regards to marriage? I am convinced in my spirit that God intends for us to be our authentic selves (as my wife would say). In other words, in our marital relationships, we must be willing to speak that which is real. No fluff (again, as my wife would say). Some say the truth hurts and I will be the first to admit that it oftentimes does. But we owe our spouses a level of conversation that is raw, unfiltered, and transparent. We must exude confidence and communicate in love; being accountable but also holding our spouses accountable and; telling them what others will not. It is our responsibility to share the good, the bad and the ugly.
Truth also means your actions and your being should mirror that of which you speak. If you are saying or believing in one thing but engaging in actions that contradict, then perhaps you are being untruthful to yourself or more importantly, your spouse.
While recently listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes speak on TV, he said, “Don’t you wish you would have married the person you dated?” Think about that and ask yourself, “What is my truth?” and “How does my truth fit into my family values?”
Her Version… So as I searched the web for the definition on “truth” I found several renditions. Here are 3 that struck a chord with me:
– A true or actual state of a matter: to tell the truth;
– A proven or verified principle or statement; fact;
– Accuracy, as in the setting, adjustment, or position of something, such as a mechanical instrument
It is the last definition that led to my response to the question that I ask myself but will pose to you, “What is your truth?”
What do you and your spouse use to help measure, guide and determine what is right when you don’t see eye to eye? How do you agree to disagree without one or both spouses having an attitude?
Think about it… In life, everything we do has some type of protocol; a guide or handbook to keep things in order.
When you take an exam, the measure of your success is guided by an answer key. When you go to court, the decisions made are guided by our Constitution. In school, both teachers and students follow a student handbook. In a sorority, there are by-laws to govern procedure. But what about your marriage?
Without a standard, how do you guide your discussions? How do you know when those discussions have gone too far?
I even thought about my experience of learning to change a tire on my road bike while training for a triathlon. When filling up my tire, there is a number on the tire wall that tells what the optimal air pressure should be for the tire to operate effectively.
In marriage, there will be disagreements or “flat tires” along the way. The next time you encounter one, what will you use as a standard to help you properly adjust for optimal performance?
Our Version
As you ask the question, “What is your truth?” consider two things:
– The need to communicate in way that is raw but authentic; being accountable but holding your spouse accountable and;
– Identifying that guide, the standard used which helps set the tone as you uncover your truths in marriage.
Our guide, our standard is and always has been God’s Word and when we communicate, we strive to do so in truth and love.