There is More to Marriage than Meets the Eye – Surprise – It’s not about you!

What are you getting out of your marriage? How does it compare to what you expected?

 

Her Version

How does marriage compare to what I expected?

So I’ll be honest, I imagined marriage looking something like the Cosby show. Claire, Cliff, 2.5 children, Doctor, lawyer, 4 hour works days, just happy times…

I’ve come to realize 3 things:

 

1. My expectations were built around a scripted sitcom. The roles, the set, and the cast members were selected to fit the script designed by the writer, producer, and the director of the show.
2. Every sitcom has a different story line and we should never try to force the roles, the set, nor the cast members of one sitcom to fit the mold that was not intended for them. ***Imagine if Cliff Huxtable was the father on Good Times or the set of The Jefferson’s being “Crenshaw Blvd”.
3. LOVE is a choice and so is being in your marriage.  Each of us have to make a choice; We MUST decide to accept and honor OUR marriages, exactly where we stand  today. We have to acknowledge and own the good, bad, and the ugly.

So, I encourage you to take the time to study and UNDERSTAND YOUR ROLE.  Then commit to do your part as you SUPPORT the other cast members in your storyline, as they rehearse to learn their roles and how they best compliment the script.

Always remember, the outcome is not always all about you. It takes the entire cast, writers, directors, cameramen and many others to make the show work.

So what am I getting out of marriage? 

Well if you would have asked me this 10 years ago, my response may have been different. But here is what I’ve received – a God fearing, adventurous, spontaneous, never sleeping, always doing something, extremely thoughtful, patient, loving hubby!  A life partner who is committed to doing his part while accepting that my role is different than his but equally important. And guess what, I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

 

His Version

I can vividly recall looking my wife in the eye on that Thursday afternoon of March 13, 2003 and happily saying “I Do.”  If today’s version of me had a chance to attend that exchange of vows, I would have run up to the 2003 version of me and exclaimed, “Do what? What are you agreeing to do?”

A close friend of mine once explained that marriage is a peculiar thing where we as men propose to someone; that someone says “yes” and we’re left to figure out what the next steps look like. Perhaps this element of the “unknown” is the thing that can make marriage exciting or the thing that can destroy it.

 

This leads me to two critical questions I urge you to consider:

• What are you getting out of your marriage and;
• How does it compare to what you expected?

If I had to answer these questions back in 2003, admittedly, I wouldn’t have an answer. I never went into marriage thinking that I was going to be the sole beneficiary or that I was the dominant spouse while my wife played the subordinate (if you only knew my wife!).

However, thirteen years later, I believe I have realized a better understanding of who God is and the importances of values like: selflessness, forgiveness, mercy, grace, love and sacrifice. These have all been taught through the daily ups and downs of my marriage. These valuables are not tangible or superficial I know but they are ones that endure and can be applied in other areas of my life and passed along to my boys.

Yes, my wife has spoiled me over the years and showered me with gifts and experiences unimaginable even when it’s not deserved. But, those things come and go and don’t endure the test of time.

What I’m getting out of my marriage is not what I expected and I only say that because just like my friend pointed out (in the first paragraph) I too was left to figure out the next steps.

The truth is, I didn’t know what to expect. But coming to know God the way that I do and trusting in His Word, He has far exceeded anything I could have expected in my marriage. I’ve told my wife numerous times that through her; I can see who God is. Now what more can I expect?

 

Our Version

We challenge you to ask yourself these critical questions: “What am I getting out of my marriage?” and “How does it compare to what I expected?”

Be honest with yourself in how you answer and we further challenge you not to be blinded by the material or superficial benefits that come with marriage.

Share your thoughts with your spouse and together make sure you are both progressing in a way where you are both being fulfilled and exceeding each other’s expectations.